We’ve just finished the flower ceremony in readiness for my third and final ceremony in a few hours. I’m both determined and nervous. The scars from the last ceremony are still fresh but there is still so much more to learn. I hope that tonight will bring me what I need in a form that I can understand and not be overwhelmed by.
Sat 11th May, 2013
7am the next morning and I’ve slept only a couple of hours last night. The ceremony was very low on energy and at one point Percy stopped singing his Icaros altogether. There were only four of us; Carl, Javier and a Dutch girl who arrived that morning. I don’t think a lot was happening for any of us during the ceremony. My purge didn’t come until towards the end of the ceremony. It was heavy and painful. I just couldn’t get myself to relax. I was way too anxious, worried about blasting off and being bombarded like the last ceremony. All that may have contributed to the lack of result during the ceremony.
Afterwards, back in my room I was stuck on the toilet a lot and very, very tired. My stomach was still heavy but nothing was coming back up. When I finally slept, my dreams were very active. The dreamscapes were like landscape scenes rolling along in front of me where doors would appear and open as the scene kept rolling past. I didn’t go into any of the doors but I had the feeling that all I had to do was step through if I wanted to.
At the debrief with Percy this morning he explained that the first drink was about cleansing, the second was about opening up the channels and the third drink was about closure. I’m not sure about the closure but the channels certainly were blown wide open on the second ceremony.
Time will tell if the Ayahuasca did anything for me but just being out in the jungle with no electricity or distractions of any kind and the strict cleansing preparation diet (no coffee, alcohol, meat, salt, sugar, spices, oils, sex etc..) has done a world of good. Nothing but nature and the quiet passing of time.
My Ayahuasca experience was certainly a unique one separate from anything I’ve experienced before. It makes me wonder how deep the mind goes, the infinite possibilities that are hidden within and if the whole ‘infinite universe of inter-connectivity’ isn’t somewhere outside ourselves or ‘in our heart’ but actually something accessed from deep within the mind… Or I could just be talking nonsense. But I guess that’s all part of it.